i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
