when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
