I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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