I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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