I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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