Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
