I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
i think my cat just said my name.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
