Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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