just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
