Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
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