six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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