While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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