There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
