I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I lost the right to judge tonight
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
