We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
