You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
