the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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