If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
