I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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