Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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