Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
