Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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