I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
