If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
