these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Acid is not a monday night drug
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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