watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize