can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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