I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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