I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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