I want to walk on stilts...naked
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
