why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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