she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
God, I missed his penis.
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