I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize