PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Porn is love you can see.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
