First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
