i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
she pinky promised me she was 18
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
