I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
