If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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