you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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