you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
