dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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