She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
