oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
