Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
