just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
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