WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
