I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
