Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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