I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
