Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
