Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
