didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
