I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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