Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I forgot wine drunk hurts
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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