and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
then he tried to convert me to islam
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize