Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
