I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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