So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
