You just made me feel so damn special
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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