don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
