You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
sex in a hospital.. check
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
