I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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