So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
