No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
