If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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