Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
