He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
