there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
