Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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